


Let Me Rest

by NeverlandHeart



Category: The Magicians (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-16
Updated: 2019-03-16
Packaged: 2019-11-19 00:56:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18128843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeverlandHeart/pseuds/NeverlandHeart
Summary: Julia is tired of living in a world without the people she cares about, she’s outlived them all, all of them are gone, dead. And now it’s her turn.





	Let Me Rest

Julia swallows as she glances around her apartment, this scene, what she’s doing, feels all to familiar. She knows it’s not a trick this time, but still, there’s a part of her that’s afraid. 

She feels her before she appears, a warmth that she doesn’t really want. A comfort she doesn’t need.

“Hello, Julia.”

Julia looks up at her from where she’s kneeling. Feeling slightly bitter, she almost laughs. “So you can be summoned.” Standing, she looks the goddess in the eye. “I need your help.”

Persephone looks at her sadly, almost pitying. Another thing Julia doesn’t want or need. “Ask, and I’ll try my best.”

“I need you to kill me.”

* * *

_ Quentin died on a Sunday. He wasn’t the first person she had to say goodbye to, but he was the hardest. Seeing her best friend age into an old man while she virtually stayed the same was difficult, but it was also beautiful, because he made it. He got to raise two children with the man he loved more than life itself. He got to see those kids raise kids of their own. In the end, eighty seven wasn’t a bad age to die at. She got to hold his hand as he died. _

_ “Never thought I’d make it this long.” _

_ Julia smiles softly, hand squeezing his. “I knew you would.” _

_ He sighs and closes his eyes, his grip loosening. “Jules?” _

_ Carefully, she brushes his hair off his face. “Yeah, Q?” _

_ “Bury me next to him, okay? Please.” _

_ Julia nods, though he can’t see. That was always her plan, anyway. Life and death, they belong together. “I love you, Quentin.” _

_ He doesn’t respond, and she knows he’s gone. Leaning over, she kisses his forehead, her tears falling onto his eyelids. “Goodbye, Quentin.” _

* * *

For a moment, the goddess looks taken aback. “Julia, it’s not your time.”

She scoffs at that, backing away slightly. “It’s never going to be my time. Everyone that mattered to me is gone, I’m alone! I’m alone, and I’m tired.” Shoulders slumping, she sits on her sofa. “I want this to be over, it has to be over.” 

* * *

_ Kady died first. She was thirty, and she had cut contact with everyone long ago. Julia got a call one day, someone asking her to identity her body. In the moment, all she felt was anger, and she threw her phone at the wall, shattering it. _

_ Kady died in Portland, Oregon. She died trying to stop a robbery, trying to be a hero. The first thing Julia did was make sure the man was in prison. When they had her identity the body, they wanted her to look through a glass window, but she couldn’t. She had to see her, truly see her, with nothing between them. Warily, they allowed it. _

_ And when they pulled back the white sheet to reveal the face of a girl that she fell in love with, all Julia could do was collapse into her own despair, and weep. _

* * *

Persephone sighs and shakes her head. “I know how hard this is, Julia, but loss can make you strong.”

At that, Julia angrily stands from the couch and strides over to her. “There is nothing strong about being alone!” She has bite her tongue to keep from crying. “I get that you gods don’t understand what caring about people really means, but if we’re being honest here, you owe me.”

* * *

_ She doesn’t know how Alice died. She just knows that she was thirty six when she did. Julia likes to believe that after everything, Alice finally found her true self and was able to lead a good life. She didn’t weep for Alice like she wept for Kady, but a piece of her vanished that day _

* * *

Taking in a breath, Julia meets her eyes again. “As long as I’ve known them, gods have never asked me for consent.” Persephone winces at that, turning her face as if Julia had slapped her. “This? This choice is all my own. I won’t live in a world where the people who mattered to me are dead. I can’t.”

Persephone looks at her again, and Julia can see her resolve weakening. “Julia-“

“Please let me go.”

* * *

_ Josh’s death came in the form of a letter. He was forty two. It was cancer that took him. He left what little he had to her. _

_ A week later, Julia was spreading his ashes in Fillory, because he wanted his final resting place to be somewhere he felt like he truly mattered. The day after, the radio in her car played Under Pressure, and Julia had to park on the side of the road because she couldn’t breathe. _

* * *

The goddess reaches out to touch her cheek, but Julia flinches away. “There’s still so much you can do Julia. So many great things.”

“None of it matters if they aren’t here to see it.”

* * *

_ Margo’s death was harsh and unexpected. Two days after her fifty first birthday, she was murdered in the throne room. Eliot shattered into a million pieces, and he never did find them all. _

_ Her funeral was large, hundreds of people coming to pay their respects. She was surrounded by more flowers than anyone could count. Fillory was surrounded with nothing but mourning silence for a week, and when Fen was made the new High King, it wasn’t a celebration. _

_ Fen was crowned with the High Queen tiara, because they buried Margo with hers. _

_ Julia doesn’t know what was worse. The fact that she tried to kill herself, or the fact that when she came back to life seconds later, she sobbed because it didn’t work. _

* * *

She doesn’t bother trying to fight her tears anymore. She has no fight left in her. “Are you sure this is what you want?”

Julia can only nod.

For a moment, Persephone doesn’t say anything, but then she sighs. “Okay.”

* * *

_ Penny died in Julia’s arms. An angry, bitter magician had forced poison down his throat because he had believed that travelers weren’t meant to be alive. _

_ Every breath he took was painful, but he still asked her. “Do you think I’ll find her?” _

_ He didn’t need to elaborate, she knew he was talking about the other her. Pressing her forehead against his, she nodded. “I know you will.” _

* * *

Julia kneels again, staring at the floor. “It won’t hurt.”

She chuckles ironically. “Pain is the least of my worries.”

Persephone gently rests her hand on Julia’s head. “I’m so proud of how far you’ve come, Julia. You’ll be remembered, I promise you that.”

Julia closes her eyes and breathes in.

She doesn’t open them ever again.

* * *

_ Eliot died two years before Quentin. He was luckier than the others. He had simply gone to sleep. He was buried in Fillory, next to Margo, and Quentin was buried right next to them. _

* * *

Julia is checked in and the woman is almost relieved when she realizes there would be no more of them coming from different timelines. She doesn’t blame her, really.

A few minutes later, Julia finds the entrance to the bowling alley.

With nothing but the feeling of relief, she opens the door.


End file.
